Am I awakening,am I reading to much Rumi?

It is difficult to learn to be an observer inside myself and watch the torrents of life tear through. Releasing myself to the flow of life,learning it's moods, it's ebb and flow. life is more than observation, but first we watch and feel, experience, allow. This is not to surrender, to allow loss of self and destruction.

 I know love, by both it's presence and absence, If I fight and hold it in like breath, I will panic as the oxygen fades, for all that I hold in is not useful to me. If I hold it in it must diminish in it's usefulness. I must faint or suddenly realising my need draw in sharp painful breaths,never quite recovering, always feeling panic, or even the fear of panic.
If I cannot hold it in I must breath and let it come and go in all it's shapes and guises.

This is new this understanding, how much I am growing, how much I am learning. Can I be in the situation I want to be in? I don't know, perhaps I can release this to the winds, and allow it all unfold. 

Does this heal me? I am not sure, it is a path I see or perhaps create, I will have to release myself to the wind and see.